Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I WANT TO BE BACK, BUT...

I have had a rough 2 months.

I wanted only positive to ever be on my blog - never negative.  I hope, just this once, it will be o.k. to post a non-positive (but hopefully not too negative) journal moment, and update for those that have wondered when I will be back.

Several discs in my neck/back collapsed, pinching the nerve to my left arm.  It was bad.  I had to stay in bed to keep weight off the nerve.  After a month, 18 Dr. appointments, injections and way too much pain med.  an MRI showed that surgery was needed quickly.  (It turned out that the damage was much worse than the MRI indicated.  I was within weeks to 1 month from loosing all use of my arm forever due to the crushed nerve..  There are still dead places.)

I had neck/back surgery just after the new year started.  (UGH!  All new deductibles to meet.)
In order for the new bones to fuse, I have a billion rules.  (Never bend over, don/t lift or carry or push or pull, never turn your head to either side, no talking on the phone (luckily I can use my cell phone because it has a speaker button), no computer work (I decided I would get on for 15 mins.), no washing my back, no riding in a car... UGH.  It is hard to read, and boy am I sick of t.v.)  I am supposed to follow all these rules for 12 weeks.  (THAT IS THE BEGINNING OF APRIL  :(  At my 4 week appointment if it is fusing well, I will/may get more freedom.)

So, after 1 year of finding great joy and happiness daily and weekly, I hope no one will be offended if I complain just 1 time.

I HATE

that I missed my dear brother-in-law's funeral, and could not be there with my sweet sister and all my family, (plus I am out the money for the ticket I bought),

that I missed being able to do all of my Christmas plans-new recipes, crafts, shopping, decorating...,

that I missed Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa's house, the the visit from a special Santa, the grandkids nativity and pictures on the stairs,

that I missed my birthday and Christmas Day and New Years Eve... and all the activities Doug and I planned for his 2 weeks off, and all the fun things my family did...

that most of my Christmas decor is still up,

that my family has had to care for me and the house (But I am extremely grateful for all they have done)

that we now owe thousands in medical bills,

that I was unable to be at the hospital, or visit the hospital when our daughter delivered our new grand daughter...

I hope to be back soon to posting things that make me happy (and there are many ;), recipes, crafts, ideas and more.  I hope your holidays were wonderful.  Thank-you for letting me vent.

3 comments:

Kayleen the Violinist said...

I think you definitely deserve a rant! No matter how much we try to be positive, there will always be trials in life. So sorry that you are having such a downpour right now! I hope that your bones will fuse quickly and correctly and that you will be back up and going in no time. Thank you for all of your reminders to be positive and find the good in life!

patula10 said...

Wendy told me that you had had surgery and that you missed your brother-in-law's funeral. I was so sorry to hear that. I came by on Christmas Eve, and I guess you were home, sorry I missed a chance to visit. I will pray for your quick recovery. Can you have visitors?

Kristin said...

We have also missed having you at the family gatherings. I am so sad you have had to go through all of this, you definetly have a right to share. I am also so sorry about your brother, (and brother-in-law) When it rains, it pours, hopefully better times will come your way soon.

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